I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him
I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”
and he went dead silent
had the opportunity and fucking seized it
I just wanna s*** some d***
HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL
me: what’s for dinner?
her: *spreads her legs*
so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it.
Have you ever said so much bullshit you were actually shocked anyone believed you?
*concerned white parent voice* sweetie don’t write on yourself you can get ink poisoning
My talents include being able to identify every one of the 5000 songs on my iPod by the first chord and eating more than the rest of my family combined